... and sometimes I agree with them.
Knowshon leaps over an upright defender in a single bound? No love. Shoulda been number one at the end of last year except for Kirk 'I'm not over losing to Georgia in 1992' Herbstreit? Hatehatehate.
But even I admit they probably don't hate us, they're just angling to get them games they're promoting the most love and pump-uppedness. It's a word, trust me. And I can't wait 'til the deal next year kicks in when the ESS-EEE-SEE is all over the Worldwide Leader, so we can get the kind of love that
Beanie Wells' foot gets.
Still, it feels like ESPN is out to get you.
ESPN hates you.
And more importantly, ESPN hates your team.
ESPN will go to any length to diss your team. Any length. You know that LSU coozie you used to have but can't seem to find? ESPN took it. Because ESPN hates LSU. That is, if LSU is your team.
It has nothing to do with you being too passionately involved in both liking your team and hating other teams. ESPN just likes to f___ with your head. That's why when Mark May says something like 'LSU has question marks at quarterback. Watch out for Florida in this one' you get pissed. Sure, you just read the same thing in the Times Picayune. But the Times Picayune isn't ESPN - who clearly is having a love affair with Urban Meyer and the Gators while simultaneously throwing the LSU Bengal Tigers under the bus every chance they get.
Unless you're a Florida fan. In which case the time that Chris Fowler made that dig about Urban Meyer's 28-point loss to Alabama is clear evidence of an ESPN-wide plan to, in fact, shut the UF football program down.
Remember that time ESPN ran a story about your favorite player getting arrested? Nevermind that he actually did get arrested. That's bullsh__. ESPN is bullsh__. And it is obvious that, by running timely stories about factual events, ESPN is biased against your team.
It doesn't matter who you pull for.
Whoever your favorite team is, ESPN hates it. ESPN hates anything you love, and loves anything you hate.
ESPN hates your dad. Unless you hate your dad. In which case ESPN loves your dad.
If you love bread, ESPN is 'anti-sandwich.' If you hate end-pieces, ESPN will run a special about end pieces. Mark May will hold up two hard, crusty-ass end pieces and hype the shat out of them all year long. Bob Ley will run a special called 'Outside The Loaf.' Ivan Maisel will write a column with a pun-filled headline like 'The piece to the end puzzle' and mind-force you to read it and then email him in anger about it.
If you were for the Union, ESPN was for the Confederacy.
If you had a Sega Genesis, ESPN had a Super Nintendo. If you had a Super Nintendo, ESPN had Sega Genesis.
If you liked like Tombstone, ESPN liked Wyatt Earp.
If you preferred Use Your Illusion I, ESPN preferred Use Your Illusion II.
If you pulled for Dan, ESPN pulled for Dave.
If you think OJ is guilty, ESPN is black.
ESPN hates everything you stand for. Unless you stand for something else. Then ESPN hates that too.
* - Gakked originally
from here.
Current Location: Floor 5F
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